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JOSIAH'S SECRET 

A PLAY 
"Byjosiah Men's Wife 




Copyright 
By MARIETTA HOLLEY 
J9f0 " 



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JOSIAH'S SECRET- A Play in Three Acts 

By JOSI AH ALLEN'S WIFE 



Characters: — Josiah Allen Samantha Allen* 



ACT I. 

(Saniantha's kitchen, Samantha standing by a big churn looking very 
tired. Josiah sitting by tlie table reading a newspaper with great interest) . 

Samantha. I've been churnin' on this cream for two full hours, 
ever since I finished white-washin' the back kitchen, and ironin' and 
moppin' and bakin' ; I'm all beat out and I wish you'd help me a little. 

Josiah. (Not lookin' up from his paper). I would love to Sa- 
mantha, nothin' pleases me more than to churn two or three pails full 
of cream. JNIen had always ruther do that than to eat. 

Samantha. Take holt then and let me rest a minute. I did a big 
days work before I begun to churn, and I'm tired out. 

Josiah. (Still reading). I would in a minute, Samantha, but if I 
take this tub of butter to Jonesville I've got to grease the democrat, 
it don't run good. (Lookin' up from his paper). I want you to hear 
this Samantha. Here is eloquence and good horse sense, I feel that I 
love the man that wrote it — love him like a brother. You know I al- 
ways contended that wimmen wuz too weak and helpless to vote, even if 
they knew enough, which they don't. 

(Samantha stretches up her weary form and leans on the churn dash- 
er and says). Yes, I know you always argyed that way, but what is 
the piece, Josiah.'^ 

Josiah. Oh, he is answerin' a Woman's Sufferage argument. He 
sez the idee of a great strong man allowin' a weak and delicate woman 
to vote or endure any other hardship is perfectly obnoxious and re- 
pugnant to any man that has the sperit of a man. The very idee of 
lettin' them angels strain themselves liftin' at the political pole is more 
than a tender-hearted man can endure. And he goes on to say. If I 
were a woman I would do nothin' important, I would emulate the rose 



and its wisdom, I would allure and charm and be silent. Man wuz made 
to protect woman, to work for her, and vote for her. Woman wuz 
made to smile on man and charm him in his hours of ease. Do you 
hear that, Samantha? That masterly, convincin' logick? 

(Samantha has resumed her churning again and says). Yes, I 
hear it, Josiah. But I want a pail of cold water ; you know I have to 
draw it up by hand since the pump broke, and git a ten quart pail of 
water on the end of the pole, I don't believe the political pole would 
draw much harder. 

Josiah. Yes it would, Samantha ; I guess you'd find it drawed 
harder, wimmen little know the awful tuckerin' work it is to vote. 

Samantha. Well, I'd like a pail of water, Josiah, and I wish you'd 
come and help me churn a little ; seems as if my back will break ofF. 

Josiah. I told you, Samantha, I'd got to grease that democrat! 
But what do you think of this beautiful article? 

Samantha. The man goes too fur, Josiah, he hain't megum 
enough, wimmen hain't angels. 

Josiah. They be angels ; I always said so. 

Samantha. And I always said they wuzn't. And I always said 
that wimmen did harder work than to vote and men never seemed to 
worry about that. 

Josiah. (Solemnly). No they don't do any harder work, Saman- 
tha, votin' wears on us strong minded men turribly, and what would it 
do to a weak, fraguile woman.? Oh that man puts men and wimmen in 
their different spears so beautiful and so plain that it seems as if a 
infant babe, or even a woman, could understand it. (Josiah steps near- 
er to Samantha and points to the piece in the paper). If you'd foller 
this man's idees, Samantha, I'd be the happiest man in Jonesville or 
the world. (He sits down, leans back with his fingers in the arm-holes 
of his vest in a very important attitude). 

Samantha. (Reasonably). I'd be willin' to charm you, Josiah 
but I don't see how I could allure and charm and do my house work at 
the same time. And even if I wuz to do the Rose Act when I have a big 
churnin' to do I don't see how it would affect you, for you always have 
to grease the democrat or the sarah, or ile hefrnesses churnin' days. 

Josiah. (In a cross tone). What of it? What if I do? 



Samantha. oh don't git agitated, J(;siali, this hutter has got to 
be churned and worked over, and the rest of my mornin's work done, 
and I wish you'd pull up a pole of water, and help finish the churnin' 
and bring up that tub from the sulk-r and help pack it. It is hard 
work for a woman's back and arms wlien they're most broke already. 

JosiAH. (Rising and speaking very cross) . If I go to Jonesville that 
democrat has got to be greased. How can you expect a democrat to run 
without ilein'? And sometimes they won't run then. (He glances at Bry- 
an's picture, hanging on the wall, grabs up his basin of wagon grease, 
and starts off almost on the run and slams the door behind him.) 

(Samantha stands a minute looking after him as if in deep thought, 
and then she drops the butter daslier down with a bang, and S-ts the 
churn back and says, speaking to herself). If I'm a ang 1 I'll stop 
churnin' long enough to breathe, and if I'm too weak and delicate to drop 
a slip of paper in a box once a year I'll set down before I drop down. 

ACT II. 

(Samantha's parlor, books, easy chairs, pictures, a high backed 
rocker covered with cretonne, placed so its occupant can see through 
the open door into the kitchen. Samantha is dressed in dark gingham 
with white collar and cuffs and white bib apron, she is arranging some 
books on the table and talking to herself.) 

Samantha. Josiah wants the Rose Act and he shall have it, I don't 
know exactly how to perform it without rule!--. I know roses blow out, 
but it can't be men want that, they're deadly opposed to their pardners 
talkin' on duty, which they call "blowin' round." (She steps forward in 
front of rocker and looks thoughtful). I guess it means to keep still and 
look pretty. (Looks up satisfied). I will try faithful to do it right, I'm 
always very thorough in anything I undertake. I believe that to allure and 
charm I must be in a settin' poster. (Sits down in rocker). I believe I ort 
to clasp my hands in a easy, graceful attitude. (Clasps her hands across 
her waist). And to look winsome I must smile some. (Smiles a good deal). 

(Josiah enters kitchen with his basin of wagon grease in his hand. 
He glances at the churn and says.) Gracious heavens! hain't that but- 
ter finished? Nor the tea-kettle on at half-past leven ! (Glances into 
the parlor). What is the matter.? (Steps inside of door). What is 
the matter, Samantlia? 



Samantha. (Smiles sweetly. Josiah yells). Why in the name of 
the gracious Peter hain't dinner under way.? 

(Samantha smiles). 

Josiah. (Steps close to her). What are you try in' to do anyway, 
Samantha? 

Samantha. (Calmly and firmly). I'm bein' winsome, Josiah, and 
tryin' to allure and charm. 

Josiah. You'rn bein' a gol-darned fool, that's wliat you're a-bein' ! 
Samantha. (Smiling, murmurs gently). Sweet pet! 

Josiah. (Stamps his feet in anger and yells). Sweet pet! Dum 
foolishness! I shall lose the chance to sell that butter! And I'm starv- 
ed!!! (Flings himself around). Twenty-four hours since I eat a mouf ul ! 

Samantha. (Sweetly). Men are made to work for wimmen, dearest 
one. Them angels hain't made for work, or votin', or any other hard- 
ship. (Sweetly and smilingly). The cream is all ready for you to 
finish chuniin'. The chicken to brile is in the store-room, the potatoes 
and vegetables in the suller. (Stops talking to give him three or four full 
smiles). The mop is hangin' up behind the back door, the stove brush 
and blackin' in the suller-way, and the lamp-chimney cleaner is hangin' 
over the kitchen sink. 

(Josiah had stood as if dumb foundered, now he yelled as he 
straighteiied up.) Dum it all! What are you goin' to do? 

Samantha. I'm goin' to charm and allure you, dear Josiah; wim- 
men are made to charm men, they should do nothin' important. 

(Josiah drops into a chair, his arms hanging down at his side in 
a despairing way and stares at her.) 

Samantha. A clean house is important, therefore I will not clean. 
Eatin' is important therefore I will not cook, I will emulate the rose in 
its wisdom, I will charm and be silent. (She leans back in a luxurious 
attitude and smiles a good deal at him). 

Josiah. (Rising). Are you a consarned lunatick? Or what duz 
ail you? (Puts on his glasses and looks closely at her. His angry 
looks changes to one of deep anxiety and alarm. With his eye on her 
all the time he edges off and reaches for the camphor bottle on a mantle 



in the kitclien, takes It in one hand and tlien reaches ff)r the soap stone 
on the kitchen stove and carries it hack in a scared fasliion. He asks 
low and appeahngly). Don't you want your back rubbed, Samantha? 
Where is your worst pain? (He lays down the soap stun within easy 
reach on the table and steps cautiously near). Won't camfire relieve 
you? Shall I go after Miss Gowdey or the doctor? (Steps to one side 
and looks round as if uncertain what to do). Don't you want your feet 
soaked? (Glancin' towards the kitchen). 

Samantha. (Straightens up). Josiah Allen, I don't want soap 
stuns or camfire, I want reason and common sense in a pardner, that's 
what I want to relieve me. I have tried faithful to foller the rules you 
read this mornin'. You said you loved the man that wrote 'em and 
if I would only foller 'em you would be the happiest man in Jonesville 
or the world. I have follered 'em for about twenty minutes and it has 
reduced you to the condition of a lunatick. If twenty minutes has brung 
you to this state, what would hours and days of it do and years? Now 
it has made you lose your morals, tear round, use wicked language, 
break your word to your grocer, and act. Now if you have had 
enough of allurin' and charmin' say so and I'll stop it. 

Josiah. (Moved uneasily ardund while she was speaking and then 
said. Oh dum the piece ! and dum the feller that wrote it ! 

Samantha. (Leans back, clasps her hands and smiles, Josiah 
stamps on the floor and kicks, Samantha smiles sweetly and murmurs). 
Sweet, darling he-angcl ! 

(Josiah runs his fingers through his hair till it stands on end, 
stamps, kicks the boot- jack across the floor and loosens a panel in the 
clothes press door. His anger seems to have spent itself in this, for he 
turns to her and says mournfully). I haven't had a mouful to' eat for 
forty-eight hours. (Putting his hand to his head as if in despair for 
a minute or two, then lifting his head he says). Dear Samantha, I've 
had enough of the Rose Act, and I'm willin' to have 3'ou vote, I want 
you to, I'll carry you to the pole m3^self and swear you in if I go to jail 
the next minute. 

Samantha. (Getting up and going towards the kitchen). Be me- 
gum, Josiah, don't go too fast. 

Josiah. I tell you Samantha, I've had enough allurin' and charmin' 



to last me tlirougli a long life, now I want some meat vittles, and I 
want 'em quick ! 

ACT III. 

(A pleasant sitting room, lamps lighted for evening. Samantlia 
dressed in brown alpaca, with a book in her hand sits in an easy chair 
and says to herself). 

Samantha. Josiah sot off in good season after all for Jonesville, 
and at his request I went with him, and on the way we visited very 
agreeable. He wuz extremely affectionate, caused partly by his feel- 
ings, for he worships me, and partly by his dinner, for it wuz as good 
a dinner as hands ever got. I briled the young tender fowl I had al- 
ready dressed, smashed up tlie potatoes with plenty of cream and but- 
ter in 'em, made an orange puddin' so delicious it would fairly melt in 
your mouth, and some fragrant coffee so rich and yaller with cream it 
would do anyone's soul good to drink it, and while I wuz glttin' dinner, 
such is my faculty for turnin' off work, I finished that butter, and 
immegiately after dinner packed it, put a snow-white clotli over it, and 
we sot off :a good season after all for Jonesville. 

Josiah (Enters room, hangs up -coat and hat and takes a com- 
fortable chair, leans back looking very good natured, and says as he 
looks at Samantha and hitches his chair nearer to her). That sweet 
flowery talk I read this mornin' is a comfort to men to write, and makes 
'em feel good natured and patronizin' towards wimmen. But come to 
crumple right down to real life that Rose Act wouldn't work worth a 
cent, and if it did, men would git sick of it, sick as a dog. (He draws 
his chair still nearer to Samantha). 

Samantha. And I felt like a fool sittin' there tryin' to allure and 
charm, smilin' stiddy when I knew everything wuz at loose ends in the 
kitchen. I wuz as happy agin when I wuz getting your dinner. 

Josiah. (Heartily and loudly). So wuz I, Samantha, heaven 
knows, I wuz as happy as a king when you wuz gittiii' it, and happier 
than any king ever wuz w4icn I wuz eatin' it. 

Samantha. I dont know when I am happier than when I am makin' 
my home comfortable and agreeable, gittin' a good Avarm supper for 
you when I know you are comin' home tired and cold and hungry at 
night-fall. Groin' round reasonable and calm in a clean kitchen, bril- 



in' a plump fowl or cookin' oysters and crcaiu biscuits, uiul coffee or 
suuthin' else you like, settin' the snowy table and kecpin a bright fire 
blazin' on a clean hearth, waitin' for the man I love. (Enthusiastically 
as she steps to the table for her knitting). I jini as happy again and 
any woman would be as happy again as she would be tryin' to do that 
Rose Act. 

JosiAH. (Earnestly). Yes, that is so, Samantha. 

Samaxtha. I toll you, Josiah, that wimmen that don't keep a 
hired girl and have to bring up five or six children by hand, besides 
doin' all the housework, washin' and ironin', sewin', skimmin' milk and 
makin' butter and deanin' house and settin' hens and feedin' chickens 
and makin' rag carpets and quiltin' bed-quilts and knittin' stockin's 
and pickin' geese and dryin' apples and makin' soap and papcrin' walls 
and paintin' doorsteps and tendin' flower gardens and weedin' onions 
and etcetery, they have to do some important work, they cannot set 
still and allure and charm, not for any length of time. 

JosiAH. That's so, Samantha, it hadn't ort to be expected of a 
poor woman. 

Samantha. (With knitting in her lap and spec's pushed up). No, 
Josiah, nor from rich wimmen either that have to wait on three or four 
hired girls, and have big houses in country and city, and tend big 
parties and give 'em, and go out drivin' every day and to the opera, and 
theatres, and to Eourope every now and then and to the sea-shore and 
mountains, and south and east and west, and ride out in 3'ots and ortos 
and air-ships, and set on boards, charity and missionary and hospital 
boards, every one on 'em hard ones, and give balls and entertainments 
for the same. And get their children headed right in morals and edu- 
cation and society. And stand up hour after hour to be fitted for 
mornin' gowns and evenin' gowns and tea-gowns and dinner gowns and 
fussin' with cameras and pianolas and lectures on every subject under 
heaven. And their work amongst the poor, and makin' more than a 
thousand calls and recoivin' the same. Good land! what time do they 
have for the Rose Act? 

Josiah. They don't have any time for it, I always said so. 

Samantha. And won't you own up, Josiah, that ricli wimmen and 
poor wimmen do harder work than to drop a little slip of paper onto 
the pole once or twice a year? 



JosiAH. (Looking very good natiired). Yes, Samantha, we men 
know that hain't no harder on 'cm than maihn' a letter. If I dast, I'd 
tell you the real reason why we male statesmen oppose wimmins' votin', 
but I dassen't tell, it is a state secret, jealously guarded by us male 
law-makers. 

Samantha. I wish you would tell me, Josiah. Men*s talk on this 
subject is so strange and queer I'd love to know the real truth. 

Josiah. (Firmly). And I'd love to tell you, Samantha, but I das- 
sent. We male men have guarded that political secret as we have the 
very apples in our eyes. (Shaking his head solemnly). No, as much 
store I set by you, Samantha, I don't dast to tell you. 

(Samantha sits thinking deeply with her fingers on her forehead, 
then her face brightens up and she says gently). I thought, Josiah, 
that mebby you'd like to have me put on the tea-kittle and git a little 
lunch, we eat supper ruther early. 

Josiah. (Heartily). Yes, I would like it, one of your good lunches 
would go to the spot, I guess I mill tell you after all. But remember 
it is in strict confidence. We male men oppose wimmens' votin' be- 
cause we want to keep the power in our own hands, and kinder boss 
round, and we talk about the hardships of wimmens' votin' and call 'em 
angels and so on jest as the doctor gives morphine to his patients to 
quiet 'em, and keep 'em still. But don't you tell for your life, Saman- 
tha Allen. If it wuz known in high political circles that I'd let the cat 
out of the bag, I'd' no but I'd be imprisoned or exiled as a traitor and 
political informer. 

Samantha. No, I won't git you into any trouble, Josiah. I'd mis- 
trusted that wuz it for some time, but didn't know it for certain till now. 

Josiah. Well, don't you let on to Miss Gowdey or any other woman 
if you want me to keep a hull skin. And don't you think it is time to 
hano- on the tea-kittle.^ 



FH8 23 1910 



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